A Litte Scared

Well at the beginning of the month I was on a countdown. I could not wait till I was back in "civilization." However now that I am on the final stretch I am getting this uneasy churning in my stomach.

I have know for a while that teaching is not the career I am going into. I know that staying on another year would not probably be a good move for me. If my career was teaching I would may think differently. This year has been incredible in so many ways. However, I feel that without the zeal for teaching itself it would be very hard to do another year.

This year has taught me so many things. It has made me a stronger individual. I am more confident and also more independent. I have met my breaking points and survived them. Of course all of these things were only possible through leaning on God.

As I begin to look to the future I must admit I am quite scared. I am heading back in to what my mind envisions as a mold. A mold of what my friends, family, and even I realize me have made. I am so uneasy because I know what I have become will not fit the mold. I do not know that I necessary want to change a whole lot, but I know I will need to adjust back. I guess that is what life is all about is adjusting to your changing surroundings.

Here I have been saying how this year has made me grow up so much and deal with things. However, I guess in someways it has helped me avoid and put other things off. I know that when I get back home I will have a lot of decisions to make. This year has given me a break from them, but has not made them disappear. I am really scared of messing up and making the wrong decision.

I just wish I could be the person my kids think I am. They tell me there is no reason for me to go back to school because I know everything. They think I know exactly what to do. Lol if only.

Well I guess each part of life has its challenges. I really liked how one of Jaimie's friends that is visiting her right now put it. She was a student missionary last year. She said that the whole student missionary experience begins in the preparation carries on in getting to your destination, getting used to the place and carrying out the year, and also includes that adjusting back home. I know she is right. I just am a little uncertain.

God has got me through this year and I know He has the perfect plan for me after this year. My mom said she believed this year was preparing me for something else, so I say, "God lead me on! My only prayer is that You stay by my side and give me the strength I need."